


Do I still Matter

by honeybunbyun



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-05-10 03:07:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14728796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeybunbyun/pseuds/honeybunbyun
Summary: The first time Baekhyun confessed to Park Chanyeol was when they were a freshman in college. Chanyeol was confused by the sudden gesture and didn’t have the best reaction.





	1. Chapter 1

  
The first time Baekhyun confessed to Park Chanyeol was when they were a freshman in college. Chanyeol was confused by the sudden gesture and didn’t have the best reaction. 

“ I love you.” 

Chanyeol just looked at him like he just grown another head. 

They were not close, just acquaintance. 

So what Chanyeol did the first time was turned the other direction, away from Baekhyun and his confession. 

The next day, Baekhyun came up to him and said the same thing.

“ I love you.” 

This time, Chanyeol actually answered. “ Are you serious?”

“ Yes.” 

“ Well, I already have someone, so get over it.” 

And once again, Chanyeol walked away. 

— 

The next day when Chanyeol was walking with his boyfriend Kyungsoo, Baekhyun looked at them from the other side of the campus. 

Then when Kyungsoo kissed Chanyeol goodbye, Baekhyun took the chance and approached Chanyeol.

“ What do you want,” Chanyeol said in annoyance. 

“ I love you.”

“ Ok, you told me before, is that the only thing you can say?” 

“ No.” 

“ Good to know you can say things besides I love you.” 

“ I’ve been loving you the whole entire time, I know you have Kyungsoo, but I’ll wait for you.”

Chanyeol laughs at this. “ Then you need to wait forever because we’re not breaking up any time soon.” 

“ Then that’s what I’ll do.” Baekhyun smiles at him.

“ We’ll see.” 

— 

The next day, Baekhyun was away from campus for some personal business. So he got Chanyeol’s number from Sehun and decided to text him instead.

_Hey._

_Who’s this?_

_I love you._

_Baekhyun._  

The cycles go on like that every day like a daily routine. Saying I love you to Chanyeol is part of Baekhyun’s daily routine, and ignoring or rejecting Baekhyun is a part of Chanyeol’s routine. 

When Baekhyun didn’t see Chanyeol for the entire day or if they were on holiday, he’ll text Chanyeol instead, sometimes he got a reply, and sometimes he got left on reading. The reply is along the line of I know, or Ok, or simply an emoji. 

—

One year later. Chanyeol and Kyungsoo finally broke up because Kyungsoo was bored and found Chanyeol too clingy. Chanyeol was drinking alone in the club when he noticed a petite figure sliding to the seat next to him on the bar. 

“ Hey.” 

Chanyeol squinted his eyes in order to see clearly. “ B-Baekhyun?” 

“ It’s me.” 

Chanyeol hasn’t seen baekhyun for the past 2 months, but that doesn't keep Baekhyun from texting him daily. 

“ Are you okay? No offense but you looks..quite bad.” Baekhyun looked him over.

“ Gee, thanks.” 

“ Why? Did Soo finally dumped your ass?”

It hit too close to home and Chanyeol cringed. 

“ Oh.” 

“ I’m sorry, I didn’t know.” 

“ It’s fine, you know, what you said was right, we’ll break up eventually, maybe I’m not enough for him,” Chanyeol said solemnly and took another sip of his drink. 

For the whole night, Baekhyun just sat quietly and let Chanyeol rambled on and on about Kyungsoo while he’s crying on his shoulder. 

“ Baekhyun?” Chanyeol whispered, half asleep on Baekhyun’s couch.

Chanyeol was too drunk and couldn’t remember his way home, so he’s crashing at Baekhyun’s.

“ Hmm?” Baekhyun whispered back, hands smoothing over the taller’s raven hair. 

“ You didn’t say I love you to me yet,” Chanyeol said sleepily while resting his head on Baekhyun’s shoulder. 

“ I love you.” Baekhyun’s voice softens. 

“ Mm..Thank you.” Chanyeol’s voice is faint like a feather as he drifts off to sleep. 

A comfortable silence washed over, but Baekhyun is still deep in his thoughts rather than sleeping. 

“ I’m sorry,” Baekhyun whispered into the taller’s fluffy hair. 

Baekhyun didn’t know why he apologized, the words just came out, like fate controlled him to. 

— 

College rolled by like a puff of wind, Baekhyun and Chanyeol are now in their third year in college. Both found new people and friends to hang out with, while Chanyeol dated around, Baekhyun remains single for the past years of his college life.

The past year had been busy, sometimes Baekhyun goes on a day without talking to Chanyeol, even though they were technically friends by then. But Chanyeol didn’t mentioned it and let it slides, besides, he has his own boyfriend to stick around him and showers him with love and affections anyways. 

However, as time fades away, so does Baekhyun's feelings for Chanyeol. The phrase “I love you” that he said daily to Chanyeol became a collection where he just did it for the sake of keeping up his streaks. Did Chanyeol realize it? He did. Of course, he did, if someones been saying I love you to you every single day for the past 2 years, and then one day they just stopped, wouldn’t you be curious? 

Chanyeol was indeed, curious, and a little hurt, that his little admirer is losing his love for him. He missed the attention, not Baekhyun. 

—

Baekhyun and Chanyeol are not in their fourth year of college, and they didn't speak a word to each other for the past 8 months. Chanyeol broke up with his recent girlfriend of 6 months, and Baekhyun just got together with Jongin. 

Baekhyun and Jongin go way back, in their sophomore year, Jongin found Baekhyun crying in front of the dorm at 2 in the morning, alone. Jongin tried to comfort Baekhyun, just letting Baekhyun laid on his shoulder for two hours, mumbling and fuming about how he gave his everything to Chanyeol yet he never gave him a glance. Jongin didn't know who Chanyeol was, but he also didn’t know who Baekhyun was either until that fateful night. 

The next morning Baekhyun found himself waking up in a stranger’s bed, warm and comfy, and a smell of unfamiliar cologne. Baekhyun wasn't drunk the other night, so he remembers everything, from their small talk to Baekhyun wiping his runny nose on Jongin’s hoodie. 

Countless of nights where Baekhyun cried no Jongin’s shoulders and then buying him fried chicken to make up for the ruined shirts. They became close friends right after. 

The countless nights shared by two friends slowly turned into something more intimate, when both Baekhyun and Jongin was drunk and horny, alone in the dorm, it leads to them fucking later that night. After their first night together, they became inseparable and hooks up here and there almost every other day.     

But it’s not until their last year in college when Jongin finally confessed to Baekhyun and asked him out as his official boyfriend. Baekhyun said yes. 

  
—

Today is the first day that Baekhyun and Chanyeol meet again after a long time. Unspoken words and feelings are floating in the air.

“ Hey.” Baehyun smiles at Chanyeol.

Chanyeol smiles back, admiring Baekhyun and how his eyes disappear into a crescent moon when he smiles widely. 

“ Wanna.. go sit somewhere and talk?” 

“ So..What are you doing wandering around the dance studio? Thought your major is music.”

“ Still is, I’m just waiting for Jongin.”

“ Jongin?”

“ He’s my boyfriend,” Baekhyun says with a warm smile, thinking of Jongin makes his heart all giddy and soft.

Chanyeol eyes furrows. “ You.. have a boyfriend?”

“ Yes, so now you don’t need to deal with me anymore

Chanyeol scoffs. “ Good, I thought you were going to hopelessly pine after me forever.” 

Baekhyun narrows his eyes at this and stands up. 

“ Excuse me, but what I felt for you was real, don’t question my feelings when you never even accepted it.” Highlighting the past tense.

chanyeol ignores it and say “ What did you do to make him accepted you? Did you say I love you to him every day until he got sick of it?” 

“ For your information, he actually asked me out, unlike someone.” 

“ For your information, I actually accepted you but then somehow you rejected me.”  Chanyeol is literally fuming now, spitting out each word like it’s poison, face red but eyes tearing up.

Their conversation has turned into an argument when neither side backing down.

Baekhyun let’s out a humorless laugh. “ Are you even hearing yourself right now.” 

“ And you kept on saying I never returned any feelings when it’s your fault that you didn’t remember.” Chanyeol slowly shakes his head, shoulder droops, and he starts to walk away, again for the hundredth time.

But before he can go any further, Baekhyun grabs his wrist, stopping him.

“ Park Chanyeol you can’t just fucking said that and walk away what the fuck.” 

It shouldn’t matter what Chanyeol has to say, he has Jongin now, but it did matters.

“ What I say doesn't matter now is it.” Chanyeol still avoids looking at Baekhyun.

“ It wouldn’t change anything, but I just wanted to know if all those years pining after you was a waste of time or not.” 

Chanyeol slowly nods. “Okay.”

  
“ About a year or so ago, you were drunk off your ass, knocking on my door asking to let you in. Of course, I let you in, you looked so tired and worn off, eyes looking at me the way you always did. And when I finished cleaning you off and getting you ready for bed, you look so perfect, eyes drifted and lips parted. I just wanted to kiss you right there. And then you laugh, it’s the most beautiful laugh I’ve ever heard.” Chanyeol looks so vulnerable right now, Baekhyun just wants to hug him.

Chanyeol swallows and continue. “ And then, you said—“ Chanyeol stops.

Baekhyun is looking at him intently now, listening to every word like his life depends on it. 

“ You actually laughed, you said ‘ you wanna know what’s funny?, all those I love you I said to you doesn’t really matters anymore, it became like a routine to me.”

Baekhyun starts to regain memories from that night.

flashback.

“ You know what’s funny Yeol? All those I love you don’t even mean anything to me anymore, you think I’m still pining over you and moping over you, but you’re wrong.” He chuckled.

“ I actually found someone that loves me without me pining after him.” 

“I’m so so relieved, I thought I’m going to be in love with you forever.” Baekhyun softly laughs, still drunk. And he immediately drifted off to sleep on Chanyeol’s bed.

Chanyeol slept on the floor that night.

End of flashback.

“ I guess the saying actions speak louder than words came in a reversal for me.” Chanyeol gives Baekhyun one last smile and walks away, for real this time. 

“ Goodbye, Park Chanyeol.”

“ I love you.” 

The word is faded, it carries no weight, and soon it got blew away along with the wind  That’s when Baekhyun realized, Chanyeol never said it back. 

 

_Fin._


	2. BONUS CHAPTER

_4 years jump._

Baekhyun was working as a creative director for a new fashion brand. It’s his full-time job now, he was looking through stacks of new designs and set up for their new campaign advertisement shooting. 

“ Baekhyun hyung, do you need me to contact some artists to do a remix for the campaign song?”  Sehun, Baekhyun’s assistant asked.

“ Yes please.” 

It’s been a busy week, everyone was working their butts off since the deadline is coming up.

“ Actually, I got an email from this one artist offering to do an original remix for free.”

“ Really? That would be great, is there a demo?”

“ Yes, here, let me connect my phone with the speaker.” 

  
_Rewrite the stars, By LOEY_

_You know I want you_  
It's not a secret I try to hide  
I know you want me  
So don't keep saying our hands are tied  
You claim it's not in the cards  
Fate is pulling you miles away  
And out of reach from me  
But you're here in my heart  
So who can stop me if I decide  
That you're my destiny?  
What if we rewrite the stars?  
Say you were made to be mine  
Nothing could keep us apart  
You'd be the one I was meant to find  
It's up to you, and it's up to me  
No one can say what we get to be  
So why don't we rewrite the stars?  
Maybe the world could be ours  
Tonight  
You think it's easy  
You think I don't want to run to you  
But there are mountains  
And there are doors that we can't walk through  
I know you're wondering why  
Because we're able to be  
Just you and me  
Within these walls  
But when we go outside  
You're going to wake up and see that it was hopeless after all  
No one can rewrite the stars  
How can you say you'll be mine?  
Everything keeps us apart  
And I'm not the one you were meant to find  
It's not up to you  
It's not up to me  
When everyone tells us what we can be  
How can we rewrite the stars?  
Say that the world can be ours  
Tonight  
All I want is to fly with you  
All I want is to fall with you  
So just give me all of you  
It feels impossible (it's not impossible)  
Is it impossible?  
Say that it's possible  
How do we rewrite the stars?  
Say you were made to be mine?  
Nothing can keep us apart  
'Cause you are the one I was meant to find  
It's up to you  
And it's up to me  
No one can say what we get to be  
And why don't we rewrite the stars?  
Changing the world to be ours  
You know I want you  
It's not a secret I try to hide  
But I can't have you  
We're bound to break and my hands are tied

  
That sound, that voice, everything matches. It’s the same voice that made Baekhyun heart jumps and melts at the same time during his college years, it still has the same impact on him. How could Baekhyun ever forgot him when Chanyeol is everywhere. He couldn’t even get himself a boyfriend after that one spring where he and Chanyeol talked for the last time. He and Jongin broke up later that week, Baekhyun knew he couldn’t lead Jongin on forever. 

“ Who’s the producer again?” Baekhyun asked, just to make sure his ears aren’t playing tricks.

“ Loey, real name Park Chanyeol.” 

And that’s it. All the emotions and feelings Baekhyun kept locked away in his heart started to flood back, again, for the hundredth time. 

“ Can he come to the studio tomorrow?” Baekhyun asked, hopeful.

“ Actually, he’s already waiting outside.” Sehun smiled. Sehun knew about them, even if he wasn’t there when the drama happened, he knew all about it after they became close friends 3 years back.

Sehun doesn’t need to say another word to make Baekhyun running out the glass door, onto the balcony of the studio. 

There stood Park Chanyeol, is it even possible for him to get any taller because to Baekhyun it seems like he did. His features are still the same, maybe a little sharper and mature. But Park Chanyeol actually glows. And Baekhyun couldn’t believe his sight. He senses something, that Park Chanyeol has changed, he’s not the same Chanyeol four years ago. And like the past four years of Baekhyun trying to move on doesn’t matter anymore, Baekhyun knew, that he’s ready to take Chanyeol back into his life, only if the taller let him.

“ Chanyeol.” Baekhyun breathes out the name, it sounds perfect rolling off his tongue. 

“ Baekhyun.” Chanyeol looks up to him, looking at him the way he did that spring. Eyes full of hope, sadness, and lastly, love.

Baekhyun doesn't want to go through that awkward stage where they ask each other how they’re doing. They came too far for that. So Baekhyun just went up to Chanyeol, stood on his tiptoe, and kissed the taller. The kiss is laced with hunger and the needs to fulfills the missing pieces in their hearts. They’ve been longing for this moment for so long, where it can simply happen years ago only if one of them had the courage to speak up. 

“ You matter to me, Baekhyun, you’re all I want.” Chanyeol kissed Baekhyun’s bump on his nose.

They both knew no discussion was needed, actions speak louder than words, that kiss answered everything. They want each other, and they still, is very much in love. Because at the end of the day, Baekhyun and Chanyeol matter so much to one another.

 

_Fin._

 

* * *

This bonus chapter was inspired by Rewrite the stars from the Greatest showman, the lyrics is so beautiful and fits this story so much. I hope y'alls enjoy this, a yay for a happy ending for chanbaek!


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